Who would want to work for someone who “never backs down”?
A life lesson about a big dog
The CEO of a big Iowa company taught me a valuable lesson, one I’ve been thinking about as one of the presidential candidates campaigns across Iowa vowing to “never back down.”
It happened a few years ago. While I was running the station’s TV newsroom, a new part-time reporter ran a story on our six o’clock newscast that never should have run, at least not without a lot more vetting. It happened on a Saturday when senior newsroom managers were off. The reporter basically took a complaint from a customer of the major Iowa company and ran it without doing enough checking to make sure it was true, and without giving the company adequate time to respond.
The company, which was also an important station advertiser, was not happy and pulled all its advertising off the station. That happens on occasion. It’s painful. It hurts the station’s revenue. But as a news guy, I usually concerned myself with covering the story and I’d let the sales department worry about advertisers.
The general manager apologized to the company but it didn’t satisfy them. Their advertising dollars went elsewhere. I felt bad about it. I was blindsided by the story happening on a Saturday when I was off, yet it was my responsibility. I was in charge and it happened on my watch. I felt I had not trained the troops adequately that certain stories should raise a red flag for the editor on duty, who should call more senior news managers and talk it over before running the story.
Eventually, I went to the major Iowa company for a meeting with the CEO. As we sat in his plush office – way nicer than any TV news director’s office – he explained how the story had harmed the company. How seriously they took customer safety. How insulted his employees were. He said he felt justified in punishing the station for a good while longer by withholding all advertising dollars.
A life lesson
Then he said something that has always stuck with me. I’m paraphrasing, but here’s the essence of what he said. “My predecessor in this office taught me a valuable lesson. The big dog in a fight always has to back down first. Because the little dog gets cornered and will keep yipping and nipping and fighting. So unless the big dog wants to fight for the remainder of all time, it’s up to the big dog to back down first. And that’s what I’m gonna do. Our relationship is too valuable to be fighting. We’ll resume advertising and agree to move on.”
It's a life lesson I’ve never forgotten. It’s come in handy many times in trying to diffuse disputes between two employees – one more powerful than the other. It’s come in handy when I was the big dog in a fight (a rare occasion). It’s come in useful in trying to heal a rift between two family members who’ve stopped talking to each other. One usually holds all the emotional cards and is freezing out the other person, sometimes with justification. But being at each other’s throats is no way to live. The relationship is more valuable than whatever the disagreement was about. The big dog has to back down first.
It's such a mature, adult response to conflict. And I’ve been thinking about it as Florida Governor Ron DeSantis campaigns across Iowa, funded by his “Never Back Down” PAC. I get it. The message he’s trying to send is he’ll never give in to what he calls the woke crowd. He won’t back away from fighting Disney, or teachers, or Xi, or the media, or any Democrat within sight. He’s trying to out-Trump Trump, who seemingly has never admitted a mistake in his life. Trump screws up all the time. Witness the growing stack of criminal indictments on his desk. Yet he never apologizes. He doubles down and makes each mistake ten times worse.
Is that who we want in a leader? Would any of us want to work for someone who never admits a mistake? Who never backs down? I was in management for 30 years. I made a TON of mistakes. Everybody does. The adult thing to do is admit it, apologize, learn from it, and try to do better next time.
Dogs don’t get much bigger than a governor or president. There are times they need to stand their ground. But there are also times a leader needs to be magnanimous. A wise leader knows when to escalate, but more importantly, when to de-escalate.
“The big dog has to back down first” would be a lousy campaign slogan but it sure is wise. “Never back down” is both a lousy campaign slogan and a terrible way to lead.
Two quick mentions. IWC’s Laura Belin has an excellent column I recommend on the propriety of Governor Reynolds using federal Covid relief dollars to send Iowa National Guard troops and the Iowa State Patrol to the Texas border.
Secondly, it is now seven months since Rep. George Santos (R-New York) was sworn into office after telling a pack of lies to win election to Congress. He’s been indicted on federal charges but the House Ethics Committee is sure taking its sweet time. With the GOP in narrow control of the House, Republicans seems to be in no rush to oust a guy who should not be there.
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Nice work, Dave! Seems as if a good portion of the electorate loves the macho approach, Trump has made a career of it. Politics is a bare knuckle sport.
Thanks Dave, this is good advice. I once worked for a "Big Dog that wouldn't back down" and I was miserable the entire time. I could never do right by him and never learned a single lesson from that experience, except that I need to learn how better to advocate for myself. I think politicians need to step down from that Big Dog position in many instances. For example, when dealing with other international leaders who are thought to be the Big Dog in their countries. If a Big Dog from the US faces a Big Dog from another country it would help smooth things over if one take a step back. Then maybe the other will step back and they can start to understand each other. Great topic and great lesson!